Common myths about being involved in military families

Some families move around a lot, some choose to stay put which impacts the deployment for serving parent(s), and some young people go to boarding school (boarding schools can be military or mixed). Some move around the UK, some overseas and others change the family setting to accommodate oversea deployments. The stereotypes around moving for each of the Armed Forces aren’t always true and young people also want us to know that there is a huge range of emotion around moving, from sad to very happy experiences.

As one young person highlights, “there are positives to military life, people just don’t ask”. The Armed Forces community is a vital part of the fabric of Scotland, and families have a strong sense of pride and community. Young people don’t always get the opportunity to share their vibrant and diverse experiences and skills, often feeling like they’re ‘bragging’ or their friends will be jealous of where they’ve lived. Knowledge of and respect for the forces is also important to them, with mixed experiences across different localities.

A key theme from Your Mind Matters was language, with young people frustrated either by the repeated requests for explanation or difficulty articulating something which was so ingrained in their daily life. Their words make sense to them and have meaning for Armed Forces young people and their families. However, different Armed Forces have different words or may even use the same word to describe different things. To address this, we have developed a military dictionary to start building this knowledge base.

Our young people don’t always respond well to the word transitions, or use it to mean one specific type of transition e.g. moving between different areas and/or different schooling systems. However, it could also mean transitioning between serving and veteran status or moving to a different family model. It could mean a family decision which disrupts normal routines e.g. deciding not to move or beginning/ending weekending. It’s a huge part of military life and much more complex than young people feel is sometimes presented.

Evidence from young people demonstrates that they can struggle with attention in school and worry that this is viewed negatively when often young people are simply distracted and anxious about a parent who is deployed. Young people sometimes go to the bathroom to escape, clear their head, or manage their emotions if they feel close to tears. Communication during deployment can be very difficult for families and can be a time where young people need a little extra support with school.

Military families sometimes have to respond to postings in very short timeframes or have to move regularly following serving members to different locations. This significantly impacts education, relationships, continuity of healthcare and families have to adjust to settling into a new area. Depending on the area, young people experience very different levels of awareness and support, and sometimes won’t even identify locally that they are from an Armed Forces family. Even a move within the same country can be challenging and very much depends on the transition into their new local area.

There are mixed views from young people around this word, with some responding to the sense of strength, and others frustrated that it becomes an expectation. In other words, if a young person has managed something well before, they’ll manage just fine this time. Some young people tell us that “things change really quickly and with the change you get in the habit of being able to adapt, a really good skill of being able to adapt quickly”. Others highlight that “they don’t ask, there’s that stigma of just getting on with it. Also the mental health of the serving person has only been recognised in the last few years… only now starting to filter to the kids”.

Young people are very aware of the cycle of deployment, although they might not use the same language to describe it. They tell us that “there’s no consistent routine”, and that the “changing family dynamic is something we need to speak about more”. Returning from deployment can actually be an incredibly difficult time for families after the initial reunion, with everyone feeling their roles are out of place. Small arguments are common with lots of tricky emotions involved, including feeling guilty that someone is spoiling the time the family has together.

For some civilians, the idea of boarding school conjures a mental scene of Hogwarts and experiences like horse-riding or skiing seem exotic or ‘for rich kids’. Armed Forces young people feel frustrated that others don’t understand why they have a different lifestyle and while it’s certainly not all roses, they wish they could speak freely about the benefits of being a military kid. Living abroad is also commonly viewed with jealousy as “people assume you’re spoiled because you’ve been in loads of places. I need it cause of my dad”.

Young people are keen to share how military lifestyle shapes everything they do, which might look like excellent timekeeping or super efficiency in tasks and being very structured in their own activities and hobbies. Others really enjoy the way of life, whether that’s living on base in a close-knit community or changing address frequently. “I know some people who enjoy packing up, getting going, the rush of things”.