Isolation and loneliness in an AF family

Sometimes, living in an Armed Forces family can make us feel lonely. It can be hard, moving alongside your family and starting new schools. You might have to make new friends every so often, or you might feel that you don’t have anyone to talk to about your experiences.

Feeling lonely can lead to us feeling sad and anxious, which could impact on our own mental wellbeing.

Young people have told us about times when they’re feeling lonely or low:

Young people also tell us their worries about their parents and guardians feeling lonely, whether they are the serving or staying at home;

Forces Children Scotland often hears that “the family dynamic changes so much” and “it’s something we need to speak about more” which links to the emotional cycle of deployment. This can add different elements of loneliness as young people are worried about the interactions with other family members.

For example, one young person highlighted that her dad will “probably miss mum’s birthday and it’s not his fault but I get annoyed sometimes”. Another young person discussed the impact of weekending where “dad comes up every few weekends but he’s always really tired… and the Army charges for that because it’s like of his own will… it’s only really Sunday when he’s up for anything”.

Young people have highlighted that moving and starting again can bring opportunities and develop strong social skills. For example, one young person said “‘I act different every time I go to a new school” and went on to explain that “I don’t mean to brag but I think I’m likeable. Optimistic. Relaxed. Cool to be around”. While for some young people, any uncertainty around moving might feel isolating, others have a positive outlook when making new friends as “you probably won’t see me in two years but that’s okay”.

It’s important to understand how different experiences can be for young people and not to make assumptions about how young people are feeling. For example, living on base might cause feelings of loneliness or feeling apart sometimes, and drive a strong sense of community other times. Young people have highlighted how important respect for forces life is, as well as feeling part of a community which can buffer against isolation and loneliness.

Places which provide forces specific support and communities, such as Forces Children Scotland, help our young people as “before you found yourself explaining things. Now you’re just being yourself”. “It’s what makes us in the club” and it helps “stop the loneliness”. Young people have highlighted the appeal of the Your Mind Matters project due to the “uniqueness” and the fact it covers both the Armed Forces specific content as well as providing “somewhere to speak” about mental health. Our core group of young people tell us “both these things drew me in”.